If you are an iPhone, what model might you be? Are you an iPhone 15 or are you still an iPhone 6?

In 2023, I have made an observation about expectations when it comes to performance. I notice an assumption that we can create a higher level of performance even when we operate at the same level of capacity. I notice this assumption operates not just at work but especially in marriages. 

Most people understand that the iPhone 15 can far outperform an iPhone 6. Yet, I notice that many don’t seem to see the need to upgrade themselves to perform at a higher level. I define performance widely, including thriving in relationships.

Below are some observations I have about people’s assumptions:

• the capacity to perform as an individual contributor will also allow the same person to perform as a manager.

• the capacity to perform in their thirties will also allow the same person to perform in their forties. 

• the capacity to manage one kid (and juggle many multiple responsibilities) will also allow the same person to manage two kids and other growing responsibilities.

The list goes on. 

I also observe that the consequences of not growing, damage marriages more than work or career. The emotional damage from a broken marriage takes a huge toll on individuals. I am currently speaking to or coaching many in their 30-40s who are facing a breakdown in their marriage. The underlying reason seems to be the lack of growth (in capacity). The school of hard knocks worked for the past generations. Unfortunately, the younger generations might not be used to this.

Performance and capacity are intrinsically related. Capacity can be simply defined as the upper limit or the maximum potential to perform at a certain defined level. While there are many factors contributing to performance, capacity is the baseline. 

If a car’s speed is performance, the engine capacity defines the maximum limit or potential. If an athlete wants to perform, the physical fitness level defines the capacity. If a laptop needs to process high quality videos and images, the processor speed of the laptop defines the capacity. To make a great cup of coffee, the coffee beans define the capacity. 

So what?

One reason to continuously build our capacity is to LIVE OUT OUR FULLEST POTENTIAL.

And how can we do that?

There is a need to systematically build our capacity. 

One key aspect of human potential is the capacity to operate under discomfort. When one is required to play at a higher level, the stakes are increased. With greater level of responsibilities, there is an increase in the level of stress. There is an increase in the level of pressure. We need to grow our “discomfort” muscles.

Building our capacity requires a systematic gradual exposure to putting ourselves in situations outside of our comfort zone. The exposure level is then gradually and systematically increased. This helps us build resilience and confidence in handling discomfort. Just like how our bodies learn to systematically adapt when we are learning cycling, swimming or rollerblading, the body can be systematically tuned to handling discomfort. The increase in our ability to sit in discomfort grows our human potential. Almost all types of growth require us to play outside of our comfort zone.

Here’s five steps to systematically build our capacity.

1. Identify and Rank Discomfort Areas:

We can start by noticing the specific activities we are procrastinating or avoiding. There isn’t a need to judge ourselves. The aim is to be aware of specific activities that will create tensions within our bodies or trigger emotional responses like fear, anxiety or even resentment.

Once we have identified these areas, we can rank the discomfort from least to most uncomfortable. This ranking allows us to know how to systematically progress. 

2. Create practices of being in Discomfort:

This is the critical part of the 5 steps. We can start with small practices of being in discomfort to stress test the body. The purpose is to get the body used to small doses of discomfort. We can create highly personalized practices that stir up discomfort within the body. For me, these practices include smiling and greeting neighbours, wearing bright colours instead of my black tees, driving on the slower lane, fasting from coffee once a week.  

3. Start engaging in the identified areas of Discomfort:

When our practices become more consistent, we can start to intentionally engage in the activities that we avoid or procrastinate. The idea is to do the activity despite the level of discomfort and notice our responses and growth: How have we adjusted in terms of our discomfort? What new narratives might be emerging? What ew possibilities are we now open to?

By intentionally engaging and noticing, we can adjust our approaches. The thing to take note is that growth seldom happens in a straight line. We need to be patient with our results.

4. Gradually Increase Our Exposure to Discomfort:

At this stage, we can create new practices that will challenge us to level up our capacity. Increasing the intensity of the practices can also be an alternative.

For example, I started practicing swimming underwater and holding my breath for as long as I can. The aim is to put my body under stress and systematically build resilience. I gradually went from 25metres to 30 metres to 40 metres.

The result was interesting. I found myself being able to absorb and notice my discomfort. I found myself being able to respond rather than react under stress.

5. Find Accountability Partners:

As a coach, I am a huge believer in leveraging the power of accountability. I recommend setting a support system. As a coach, I engaged my own coach and have monthly sessions. I also create my own trusted circle of friends who know about my goals and can provide support or challenge me when needed.

As I continue to practice these five steps, I found myself more resilient, more calm under pressure and more adaptable. I found I can also play to my strengths at a higher level. As an ontological coach, I wholeheartedly recommend you to practice building your capacity and potential if you desire to play at a higher level.

Written by Victor Seet
Activator • Communication • Strategic • Self-Assurance • Command

As a Gallup and Newfield Certified Leadership Coach in Singapore, Victor is passionate about helping people be better observer of themselves to achieve the results they want, especially in the area of well-being and performance. Victor intentionally integrates the strengths-based and ontological approach into his leadership coaching and workshops.