When I was introduced to the ontological approach for intra-personal and interpersonal work, I found it very fascinating. I decided to deep-dive into this area. I am writing to share what I have learned and the impact I have experienced. I’m writing as a learner rather than an expert in this field.
You might be thinking: So what is Ontological Coaching?
It is a coaching approach rooted in “Ontology, the study of being.” This approach focuses on exploring how people function and make decisions, how people learn and adapt, and how people show up in different areas of their lives.
At the heart of the ontological approach lies two key ideas:
(1) The Concerned Observer
An individual (known in the field of ontological coaching as “the Observer”) sees, perceives and relates to the world in a very unique way that differs from others. A key word to summarize the uniqueness of each individual is “concern”. Each individual is a “Concerned Observer” and interprets and relates to the world based on his concerns. The interpretations will then lead the individual to a range of possibilities of action to achieve his desired results (relationships, work, finances, health, religion, etc).
(2) An Integrated Approach - Language, Emotions and Body
The Observer can be understood by examining three domains in an integrated manner – LANGUAGE, MOOD OR EMOTIONS, and BODY. The ontological approach not only addresses the importance of all three areas, it also emphasizes the integration of all three domains to achieve sustainable or deep change. An ontological coach helps clients examine their language (inner and expressed thoughts, stories, mindsets, beliefs), recurring emotions and moods, and their body (dispositions, breathing, fitness, health, flexibility) to create new habits in these areas for sustainable change outcomes.
Here is an example of an integrated approach: As a person, I listened primarily to what people said and the words they used (language). I rarely pay any attention to my body and emotions (as well as others) when I communicate. As a parent of three young kids, when I realized “language” was the last domain to develop in young children, I saw a gap in how I was communicating with them. I started to explore how I could communicate with my three young kids using body, emotions, and language in a more integrated way. I started to give hugs and massages, scratch their backs, and hold their hands more intentionally. I committed to playing with them and being fully present. As I engage my kids in a more integrated manner, I notice my relationship with them has grown tremendously. My kids have also responded to me more affectionately.
How is ontological coaching different from other approaches?
Here are some differences from my limited knowledge:
(1) First the WHO, then the WHAT
There are coaching approaches helping people develop new strategies, new skills, or new forms of communication. The ontological coaching approach is particularly interested in what’s happening in people’s perceptions and attitudes and how that affects the way people use their new skills and strategies. Borrowing the phrase from Stephen Covey, the ontological approach focuses on the Who before diving into the What.
For example, when a boss shares a new strategy with the team at a particular team meeting, different team members interpret the strategy very differently because of their unique concerns. These concerns affect our perceptions and attitudes (how we see things). And how we see things determine how we eventually act.
The ontological approach suggests that when we don’t address deep-seated perceptions and attitudes (WHO), we will miss out on massive opportunities to help people grow in their effectiveness (WHAT).For example, when a boss shares a new strategy with the team at a particular team meeting, different team members interpret the strategy very differently because of their unique concerns. These concerns affect our perceptions and attitudes (how we see things). And how we see things determine how we eventually act.
(2) First the WHO, then the WHY
In his book Start with Why, Simon Sinek taught us to ask why to seek out the purpose and meaning of what we do. However, having breakthroughs will require us to think differently. Have you had any of these thoughts before?
- Why do I struggle to trust this person?
- Why do I no longer feel excited about hitting my targets?
- Why do I lack confidence despite achieving consistently good results?
- Why did I put back the weight I worked so hard to lose?
- Why do I often feel that I am not being heard?
When we ask "Why" without working on the “Who”, we often do not see breakthrough results.
We assume we can generate breakthrough results using the same operating system. However, we keep seeing the same things and forming the same stories inside our heads. We make decisions “more or less” the same way.
When the operating system remains the same, any upgrading will eventually hit a limit. Even if there are breakthrough results, they do not sustain over some time.
Borrowing the words from James Clear (author of Atomic Habits):
“You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”
Ontological coaching addresses the “who” by helping clients examine their existing systems. This approach focuses on helping clients upgrade to a stronger operating system.
(3) An Integrated Solution to Intrapersonal Work:
The ontological perspective is that the operating system of a human being is made up of LANGUAGE, EMOTIONS, and BODY.
Using the above example (of the boss sharing a new strategy): when each team member received the message from the team leader, the physical body received the message as well and expressed itself in what is commonly known as body language and facial expression. Emotions were also generated when the boss was speaking. Most people might also experience an inner voice running through their heads (sharing a narrative and interpreting what the boss has said ). An example of the inner voice could be “He is sharing this strategy to make us work harder so that he can look good and have a better chance for promotion”.
Ontological coaches can respectfully work with their clients using the three domains to help them uncover deeper concerns, and discover recurring patterns of thought, feeling, and behaviors that might be hindering growth and performance.
The value-add of ontological coaches (compared to other methods of coaching) is perhaps the ability to see and intervene in the areas of moods and emotions and the body (physiological state), on top of the regular coaching conversational approach using language. The ability to co-create interventions with clients using an integrated approach help build new lifestyle habits that bring sustainable change.
Article for Leaders and Managers
What’s the relevance of Ontological Coaching for organizations?
Ontological Coaching can be relevant to organizations and individuals in several ways:
(1) Ontological Coaching is a personal change methodology.
In the 1-1 coaching work, the coachees receive support in examining emotional habits and patterns, patterns that show up in the body as well as thought patterns. In exploring deeper concerns through uncovering these patterns, the potential breakthroughs experienced by individuals often bring deep and sustainable change. When individuals are transformed, team and organizational cultures will also be transformed. Apart from managers and employees, ontological coaching is powerful for anyone who might be involved in work that supports others (leaders, managers, parents, mentors, teachers, social workers, pastors, religious workers, etc).
(2) Ontological Coaching helps leaders do their Self-Work
Adding to the first point, ontological coaching is especially powerful for leaders in the organization. Though there are many offerings of leadership skills, lessons, tips, and strategies in the world, leaders can only truly DO leadership from their way of BEING. If the leaders aren’t aware of what’s happening within them and do their self-work, the quality of their leadership and their influencing capacity will be compromised. The effectiveness of their leadership decisions and communication becomes limited and that has a great impact on the business results of an organization.
(3) The Ontological Approach is part of an Organizational Development (OD) Process
The ontological approach provides a lens that explores how organizations function. While it is often said that people are the most valuable resource and organizations run through people, the ontological approach suggests that it’s the interaction and conversations between people that make an organization tick. The ontological approach provides a very solid methodology and process to examine how leaders and employees are relating and interacting with others. The process empowers individuals to self-monitor and self-adjust the quality of their conversations.
On top of empowering individuals, the ontological process empowers teams in examining the kind of conversations that are taking place or missing (conversations of trust, decision-making, accountability, moods, etc). Ineffective conversations continually cause a waste of time, effort, and energy and stifle creativity and innovation. The ontological approach provides leaders and employees with a detailed set of tools to pay attention to the way they are engaging in conversations.
Conclusion: A Personal Story - how the ontological approach has helped me:
In my desire to be a better leader and parent and to grow spiritually as a Christian, I discovered that when I change my behavior without getting a sense of the kind of person I am (WHO), then under stress, I’ll revert to a behavior that I am conditioned in. This was my blind spot. I have been addressing the WHAT without addressing the WHO.
I felt a need to investigate deeper. One of the discoveries I made: for years, I lived with a subconscious belief that I am a bad listener. To improve my listening, I got myself equipped with deep listening skills, went for active listening courses, read Stephen Covey’s book, and learned many great principles. Unfortunately, I found change hard to be sustained. Under stress at work or home, I will revert to my usual behavior of dominating a conversation and seeking to convince others through my speech. I was unaware of my emotional habits and body patterns (how I show up to others). For those who understand the CliftonStrengths language, I have Communication, Command, Self-Assurance as my dominant themes. I have often been perceived as one who is domineering, high “D” or Alpha.
Through the ontological approach, I discovered a significant difference between “being a listener” and “listening as an action”. As I investigated and observed myself as a listener, I saw new possibilities for change. I learn to listen through my body and emotions. I learn to uncover the body and emotional patterns that are deeply intertwined with my old behaviors.
As I learn to build new emotional habits and build new body dispositions, I now feel happy listening to others (I honestly could not imagine my old self saying this). I saw improvement in my relationships, especially with my wife and children. I assess and feel that I have continued to retain my strengths as a speaker AND I have also increased my range and effectiveness as a coach as I grew as a listener. As I experienced a sustained change within me, this transformation also ignited a new passion. I’m proud to say, I am now a certified ontological coach.
Written by Victor Seet
Activator • Communication • Strategic • Self-Assurance • Command
As a Gallup and Newfield Certified Leadership Coach in Singapore, Victor is passionate about helping people be better observer of themselves to achieve the results they want, especially in the area of well-being and performance. Victor intentionally integrates the strengths-based and ontological approach into his leadership coaching and workshops.
