CliftonStrengths: Complementary Partnership Through Unlikely Pairings

As a CliftonStrengths Coach based in Singapore, one of the questions I’m often asked during workshops or coaching sessions is “how can people with very different strengths work together?”

As I listen to the deeper concerns, I discovered two common struggles. First, there are those who struggle with certain individuals in tension-filled relationships and wondering if the conflicts are a result of “opposite strengths”.

Second, some people saw the deficit in their decision making outcomes. There is a tendency to be over focused on one side of the coin to the neglect of another. It is a bias that surface regularly in decision making. Increasingly, polarity management is gaining traction in organisational development.

Polarities are interdependent opposites and each dimension is needed for the healthy functioning of the system. There is a necessity of both dimensions. Central to the idea of a polarity is the expectation that each opposite dimension will have an impact on the system. Having one but not the other creates issues within the system. From this point of view, the complementary partnerships of people with opposite strengths, are very powerful in bringing better business outcomes.

Taking a step back, you might be now wondering: “What are strengths that are considered to be very different?”

There are multiple ways of answering this question. I approach this from a coaching lens. Through some research data published by Gallup, I discovered that there are some CliftonStrengths talent themes that are very unlikely to be paired together in an individual’s top 5 strengths results. From Gallup’s data, these unlikely pairings are:

1. Deliberative - Woo
2. Developer - Command
3. Empathy - Self Assurance
4. Discipline - Ideation
5. Harmony - Strategic
6. Maximizer - Restorative
7. Positivity - Deliberative

So how can people with very different strengths work together?
In this article, I will be touching on the first three pairings to explore this question. These are my own personal views as a professional executive coach.

1. Deliberative and Woo

People with Deliberative are quite private in nature, selective about those they allow into their inner circle and preferring quality over quantity. They are very careful in the way they use social media and doing  networking online in the digital world today. They are often very aware of the dangers in the social media online space. Those with Woo are considered to be socially adventurous. They love meeting strangers because they see it as an opportunity to make new friends. They tend to enjoy playful banter, as it helps them build rapport quickly. They are likely to initiate in reaching out to others to build a greater network of contacts, aware of the power of leveraging relationships in the social media space today. This is probably the reason for the unlikely pairing in the two talent themes. When you speak to two different individuals, a Deliberative and a Woo, it is fairly common to observe some distinct differences in perspectives.

What does this partnership bring out?

The named polarity here is the human need for protection AND connection. There is both the need to create strong personal boundaries and strong social connections. In work partnerships, Woo brings the perspectives and learnings of leveraging connections for business development, job search and ideas exchange. Deliberative brings the learnings and perspectives on risk assessment. That means learning how to spot scams, guard against wrongdoings within and out of the system. Deliberative can also share perspectives about the danger of being overly vulnerable and friendly.

2. Developer and Command

People with the Developer theme tend to be perceived as nurturing and patient while those with Command can come across with a colder and more intimidating presence. In terms of people development, Developer enjoys encouraging people to take baby steps in facing challenges. The Developer celebrates every growth and milestone. Command enjoys challenging people to move out of their comfort zones and overcome their fears. While the development goals looked similar, the emotional journey can be in stark contrast. Another contrasting perspective is how each might look at results. Command tends to polarize and see results as either success (“you have overcome”) or failure (“you succumbed to your fears”). The Developer tends to focus on the growth and progress even with not so desirable results (“you did better than before, that is worth celebrating”).

What does this partnership bring out?

The named polarity here is the need for Support AND the need for Challenge. Leveraging this partnership allows for constructive exchanges on when it is necessary to push people to overcome personal challenges and when to take a step back and give people some breathing space. This is a common tension seen in coaching, mentoring and teaching. Leveraging this polarity creates better results in the space of people development, talent retention and employee engagement.

READ: PART 2 of Complimentary Partnerships Through Unlikely Pairings

3. Empathy and Self Assurance

People with the Empathy theme tend to be others centered. They naturally want to put themselves in another person’s shoes in order to understand how that person is feeling. Their confidence come from their ability to connect deeply with others and being able to sense what others are feeling. In a rather contrasting fashion, those with the Self-Assurance theme build confidence by developing a keener sense of self. They rely a lot on their gut and have faith in their own strengths and judgments. Like an anchor of a ship, those with Self-Assurance can often withstand different kinds of pressure and they have a great self-belief that is often unwavering. The decision making process is very different for each side. Empathy often makes decisions based on meeting peoples’ needs and concerns. The sensing of peoples’ emotions (fears anxieties, hope and excitement etc) are key data points for decisions. Self-Assurance enjoys taking risks and decisions are often based on their personal gut feel and sensing about the situation. Decisions do not necessarily concern how others might be feeling.

What does this partnership bring out?

The named polarity here is the relying on Others as a resource AND relying on Self as a resource. When should one move ahead decisively and depend on the gut instinct? When should one choose to listen, gather data and sense the mood of the community? Leveraging the contrasting perspectives bring rich learnings and is crucial in a context of fast changing landscape with much unknowns.

In conclusion: the above examples illustrate how many of the CliftonStrengths themes can be powerfully leveraged. The conflicts in perspectives between the different themes are not problems to be solved. They should be seen as perspectives to be leveraged. Leveraging these polarities can help teams and businesses thrive in this VUCA world.

READ: Why Complementary Partnerships Do Not Always Work

Written by Victor Seet
Activator • Communication • Strategic • Self-Assurance • Command

Victor is an accredited ICF Advanced Certified Team Coach (ACTC) and Professional Certified Coach (PCC) based in Singapore. He is also a Newfield Certified Ontological Coach and CliftonStrengths Coach. Victor facilitates teams to leverage their collective strengths, get clear on ways of engagement and ways of working to strengthen team and interpersonal dynamics. Victor specializes in integrating strengths-based and ontological approach into his team coaching and leadership workshops. Victor is Director of Coaching and Leadership Development at StrengthsTransform™

THE 15 BELIEFS THAT STOP YOU FROM LEARNING - and being resistance to change - coaching guide

In the book “Creating Psychological Safety in the Workplace for Learning, Innovation, and Growth”, author Amy C. Edmondson describes the learning zone as the high-performance zone. This is the zone where people can collaborate, learn, and get complex work done. In a VUCA world, high performance occurs when people are actively learning as they go.

This article is about the beliefs that hinder people from learning. When we struggle with learning, we struggle with navigating change.

There are 15 beliefs described here and they are termed as “enemies of learning”. I learnt about these beliefs while doing my ontological coaching course under Newfield and have used these actively for my own coaching work. I often find that these beliefs can help unlock certain blindness, especially in how people resist learning which underpins the ability to navigate change in this increasing complex world. I have observed that these beliefs can be used powerfully to spark transformation and can be used as a guide for coaching conversations, leadership conversations and performance conversations.

I have added in my own understanding and elaborations about what these 15 beliefs are so that readers can benefit further.

1. Unwillingness to admit “I don’t know”

This was one of the dominant beliefs that I had to address for myself. For me, this belief is closely tied to a common mindset: “not knowing is a sign of weakness”. For many people, the idea that I have experienced this before so “I know how this works.” The lack of curiosity is usually more obvious to observers than the person himself. The unwilling to admit “I don’t know” because of the experience gained closes up the space for curiosity. Learning is hindered. There is an ongoing assessment that he or she already possessed the information and knowledge needed for a particular situation.

Conversely, people who are naturally curious often dwell in a “I don’t know” headspace. In this space, the brain actively look for new knowledge, information and pathways.

I observed that this unwillingness to admit “I don’t know” is common among leaders and managers who feel that leadership competency is closely tied with “knowing” and the assumption that when one has experience, it means one must have some knowledge of the subject. Any sign of “not knowing” can jeopardize power and influence so to admit “I don’t know” is a huge barrier.

2. When you don’t know that you don’t know but act as if you do

This particular enemy of learning centers around “acting” in a way to make others perceive that we know. The focus for such an individual is on making sure his or her responses and actions do not show the “lack of knowledge or understanding”. There is little priority on learning about the unknowns. This belief can also be possibly tied to the popular idea of “fake it till you make it”. There is an ongoing practice to produce an answer in every situation and to act as if one knows a solution even when he or she does not. This can be a trap for consultants, lawyers, or anyone who is highly paid because of the knowledge they have.

Overtime, this practice of faking lowers a person’s ability to be truly curious. The person’s brain is usually busy trying to come up with answers so as to be seen as one who knows. There can be multiple reasons why people choose to fake. The fear of “not looking stupid in front of others” is one idea.

3. Unaware that we have blindspots

Do you deliberately consider points of view shared by others? Do you intentionally reflect on what could be your blindspots? Do you actively gather feedback and pondered over why those feedback were given? These questions could help you discover if you are aware that we live in blindness.

When one is unaware that a person can have blindspots, the priority is often on justifying and defending one’s views more than considering other perspectives. This enemy of learning is highly correlated to people who often operate with strong assumptions and have little awareness of what is commonly termed as unconscious bias.

I observed that this phenomenon is especially common for people who experienced some level of success and live with an assessment that there is nothing much more to learn (since they have already experienced success). They tend to be confident in their abilities to perform and deliver results. They might not be conscious of how they are coming across to others. They can be less sensitive to power dynamics and less sensitive to how others who are less experienced, less privileged, less resourced, are feeling.

4. “I should already know”

Is this an internal talk that you have after you made a mistake? There is a tendency to beat yourself up rather than being curious to learn (after a mistake is made). This belief unfortunately hinders learning that can take place from a setback. Instead, the belief focused the individual towards self-blame. During a setback, this belief triggers an emotional response (usually negative) and generates negative thoughts for the individual.

The possible assessment held by is “why am I so stupid? I should have known better!” Such an assessment is prevalent in cultures where speed and efficiency is worshipped. Failures are amplified and there is an assumption that if people are of a particular status, position, experience, success should be “in the bag”. There is little tolerance to embrace failures. “I should already know” comes from the belief that because of past experiences gained, success is to be expected.

This particular enemy of learning is also prevalent in sub-cultures that believe that knowledge is the key to learning and knowledge equals the ability to do. When someone fails to do something and achieve certain results, the internal self-talk of “I should already know”” can be quite condemning.

5. “I have to be clear about everything, all the time”

Have you met people who you feel are “control freaks”? They ask many questions and often demonstrate their insecurities and anxieties through the extensive amount of questions asked.

The belief centers around “the more information I get, the more certain I will become.” This leads one to be obsessed with information finding to handle uncertainties. Unfortunately, having information (knowledge) and processing information (learning) are two separate distinctions.

This belief focuses a person towards an excessive search for information and often hinders a person from learning how to handle uncertainties and change. This was evidently seen during the Covid context. The fears and anxieties lead many to find out as much information as they possibly can, hoping that the information can bring a sense of control.

When there is an assessment that everything can be managed and be under control (with enough knowledge), a sudden or surprise change (leading to many unknowns) usually triggers a negative emotional response such as panic, fear or anxiety. The negative emotion subsequently shuts off the neocortex part of the brain. This limits the ability for the brain to learn and find new pathways to respond to changing circumstances.

6. Forgetting the domain of emotions and its impact on learning

People living with this belief give little regard to the emotional context surrounding learners and how emotions influence the effectiveness of learning. Researcher and Author Amy C. Edmondson wrote that when a person feels psychologically safe, it shapes the propensity to engage in learning behaviors, such as information sharing, asking for help, or experimenting”

Parents (including myself) are the big culprits, often rebuking and dishing out knowledge at the same time while the child is emotionally affected. There is little awareness that the child has very limited ability to retain what is being shared. Rather, the child remembers the trauma of the “scolding received” and remembers how the parent made the child feel. As learners, our ability to learn is largely connected to how we are feeling at the moment of the learning.

There are also many cultures that hold strong beliefs that emotions often lead to unfavorable and unwise decisions. The cultural belief is that we are to shut our emotions down to have improved performances. “Men do not cry” is the classic belief that illustrates this enemy of learning.

Rather than tap into the emotion (such as sadness and what the sadness could be revealing) as a source for learning, the focus is on shutting off the emotion to conform to cultural behaviours. Leaders who ignore the domain of emotions are observed to have very limited leadership effectiveness.

7. Distrust

A teacher walks into the room and you immediately assess that you will not learn much from this teacher. Whatever the reasons might be, distrust is a big enemy of learning. It is important to be aware if we are generally more trusting or less trusting. That has implications on our ability to learn from others, from our experiences or from our failures. If you are someone who perhaps acknowledge that you are easily skeptical and less trusting in nature, this could be an area to be watchful.

In the working world, trust and distrust are major contexts, the backgrounds out of which actions (or non-actions) spring. As more collaborative and coordinating work are being demanded across organizations, the theme of trust is a great indicator to assess how teams are learning, innovating and performing.

As an ontological coach, I’ve encountered many leaders who do not pay attention to the context of trust and how the mood of distrust severely hinders learning and the ability to navigate change.

8. Confusing “knowing” with “knowing about”

Will you want to learn swimming from someone who cannot swim or learn driving from someone who does not have a driving license? The response might be obvious but we can be easily confused by those who know and those who simply have lots of opinions about a subject.

Many are led to believe that they have learnt a lot because they know so much details about a particular topic. This confusion is often made worse by the vast amount of information that can be found on the web. Anyone can be an “expert”. Just look at how many influencers have become experts overnight and strategically use this confusion to spread untruths.

As a side note, it is useful to do a personal reflection because of the massive information we possess on our fingertips:
Do you notice if you are happy with simply having lots of information about a subject? What do you notice about your ability to act on the knowledge you have gained?

9. Addiction to novelty

Are you one of those who moves quickly towards things that are novel or new? Are you easily bored by doing the same thing again and again? It has been researched and observed that the road to mastery on a particular skill or competency often includes seasons of plateau. The grind to practice something over and over again creates grit and patience and ultimately lead to mastery. The one who moves on too quickly out of boredom misses the boat.

You might want to notice if you move on quickly from one thing to another. While there is seemingly nothing wrong with this practice, it does create a learning habit that might potentially stop you from experiencing deep personal transformation.

10. Addiction to answers

There is a common perception that not knowing the answer makes a person feels unintelligent. For most jobs, people are paid to find answers. The addiction to answers however can be a big stumbling block to learning.

When efficiency is prized above innovation, one prioritizes answers over questions. Yet, often it is the curiosity zone where good questions are asked and breakthroughs are experienced.

This particular enemy of learning is seen in behaviours where one gets hooked to the initial answers and solutions without holding the space for uncovering underlying roots. This recurring thought pattern stops one from going deeper to gain transformation.

I invite you to practice staying in the curiosity zone for a tad longer even when you feel that you already have an answer.

11. Not granting permission to be taught

“Who are you to tell me what to do?”

A sense of entitlement can often hinder us. Have you felt like you have spent more time researching on a subject or you have more experience in a particular area and therefore reject learning from others (especially when you believe they are unworthy)?

Ego and pride is often a big hindrance to one’s capacity to learn and navigate change.

This is commonly seen in people who are in senior positions, important roles and assess themselves as expert in their own field. Enough said.

12. Making everything overly significant or trivial

To make a mountain out of a molehill was a term coined when a person makes too much of a minor issue. We might even say such a person is over-dramatic. This person could be habitually bursting into tears, having anger outbursts or spiraling into a chain of negative thoughts.

The challenge here is when such a person regularly assigns tremendous weight to something that has happened and makes a big drama, there is little emotional space left to engage learning.

In this context, some form of lightness is helpful. The ability to laugh at oneself is a big friend of learning.

Making everything overly trivial also hinders learning. Have you met those who are unwilling to let the conversation get serious enough to get to the real issues? Conversations usually stop at the superficial level. There is a habit of deflecting (usually through humor) when something important is about to be revealed. This can be commonly observed in team setting where learning is hindered because humor is used to quickly defuse tension.

13. Living in permanent assessments or judgments

Have you had such a strong opinion about something or someone that make others feel like it’s unlikely for you to accept another point of view? Not being aware that we hold what is essentially an opinion as a Truth (or an assertion) can hinder us from learning. There is little or no space to perhaps hold a counter perspective in tension.

“He is always so full of himself.”
”The situation will never change”.
”What’s the point of trying when we will end up getting hurt ourselves?”

If your language and internal thoughts often reflect any of these statements above, this could be an enemy of learning (unconsciously) that you might be holding.

14. Living in the belief “I cannot learn, given who I am”.

I observed this commonly in two kinds of people - those who consider themselves as experts and those who see themselves as “stupid” in a particular field.

There is a distinction between a Master and an Expert. The Master stay out of the “I know the answer zone” as long as possible. An Expert stay in the “I know the answer” zone as long as possible. Individuals who feel a need to maintain the public identity of “being an expert” in a particular field are often in danger of not asking the questions necessary to open up learning.

When someone feels “stupid” in a particular field, the person often generates an identity (subconsciously) to maintain that they are right in their assessment. “I can’t dance; I am bad at math; I suck at public speaking” etc are the common beliefs that people generate to reinforce the assessment of their “identity”.

To let go of the belief we have of ourselves can be rather painful especially when we have held on to this belief for a long time. Letting go fully means we have to act against the belief (and might end up with results that might make us uncomfortable).

Personal story: I assess that I can’t dance. When I eventually did a dance in front of a group of friends, it actually felt freeing. I had a good laugh at myself. I also felt I had a breakthrough.

15. Forgetting the body as the domain of learning

In many countries, there is a common perception that learning occurs when a person gains understanding. Unfortunately, this is far from the truth.

For most things in life, learning occurs in the body more than in the head. When there is no practice, there are no new results.

Whether it is using excel, doing slides on powerpoint, cooking, driving, swimming, cycling, public speaking, listening, negotiations, selling etc, only practice brings new results.

An active listener is one who practices listening and navigates the challenges involved rather than one who has completed courses on active listening. Huge difference.

Thank you for your patience in finishing this article. Hope this article creates a reflection for you as much as it did for me.

Written by Victor Seet
Activator • Communication • Strategic • Self-Assurance • Command

Victor is an accredited ICF Advanced Certified Team Coach (ACTC) and Professional Certified Coach (PCC) based in Singapore. He is also a Newfield Certified Ontological Coach and CliftonStrengths Coach. Victor facilitates teams to leverage their collective strengths, get clear on ways of engagement and ways of working to strengthen team and interpersonal dynamics. Victor specializes in integrating strengths-based and ontological approach into his team coaching and leadership workshops. Victor is Director of Coaching and Leadership Development at StrengthsTransform™

The Four Archetypes of Learners - Coaching Guide

As a professional coach based in Singapore, I am passionate about helping people gain deeper levels of self awareness. I believe that in doing so, individuals can use the learnings to achieve more effective results in the area of personal growth and development.

This article is on the topic of learning and covers the different archetypes of learners. It is a follow up to the piece I wrote on the 15 beliefs that hinder learning. Both articles are written with the desire to create deeper self awareness.

As you have a read about the four archetypes of learners, my wish is that you can use the information to do a simple profile of yourself. See if you can identify a particular archetype that you might be engaging with consistently.

THE Dabbler

The Dabbler says “I want to pick up this skill as a hobby. It looks fun. The joy of learning is very important to me. I find lots of joy when I started off as a beginner and acquire the basic competency. I feel happy that I can tell myself and others that I now know this skill.”

“I’m not looking to excel. Longer term practice might not be part of the purpose I pick up this skill. I will work hard to acquire the skill to a basic competency level and I’ll be very satisfied. After that, I will move on to the next skill that I find interesting. At work, I am usually seen as a dynamic all-rounder, who has the required competencies of many different inter-connected skills relevant to my job scope and role. I am also known as the one who is constantly picking up new hobbies. I love work environments that are highly dynamic. I love the type of work that provides many opportunities to learn different types of skills.”

The Obsessive

The Obsessive says “I am results oriented and performance oriented. I am the type of person who is determined to reach my goals and my key performance indicators (KPIs). When I learn, it’s tied to my Return On Investment (ROI). The skill I am practicing must make me better and help me achieve my personal and professional goals. At work, I am usually seen as the outstanding performer.”

“Whenever I am not gaining the results from my learning practices, I’ll re-examine the process and find different ways to make it better. I take pride in producing results through my learnings and hard work. My satisfaction comes from the results I receive and not so much the joy of learning. The time to stop is when my goals have changed or I assess that the ROI is not worth the trade-off of my energy, time and resources.”

The Hacker

The Hacker says “I’m interested in finding the fastest way to pick up the new skill. I enjoy the hacking process. Finding shortcuts gives me the thrill and satisfaction. It’s about the speed of learning and knowing I can hack my way through. I’m not concerned if I have missed the foundations required for long term success. I feel happy when I get quick results from my initial investment.”

“Being seen as smart and a fast learner is important to me. I am often seen as the one who can deliver quick results within a short time frame. People see me as a good problem solver in time-sensitive situations because of my ability to hack my way through.“

The Master

The Master says “I’m in for the long haul. I believe in being the Master in a particular field. I understand the process of learning and how my body will take time to learn. I believe that a person needs to be consistent on this path towards being a master and there are no shortcuts to mastery. I will not rush through the learning process. I am determined to persevere through the periods of plateau. The plateau is necessary for my body to learn and adjust.”

“I fully embrace the paradox of being both the expert and a beginner as I pursue mastery. I believe in the Growth Mindset and I work hard to seek continuous improvement. I’ll enrol teachers and mentors into my practice and actively get supervision and feedback. At work, I am often seen as the leading authority in a particular field. I hope to be able to guide others as well in pursuing this pathway of mastery.”

SUMMARY:
Here’s four questions for your reflection and application as you consider these four archetypes of learners.

1. Which of these archetypes do you identify with most often (show up a lot in your life?
   

2. Which area of your life does other archetypes show up?
   

3. What advantages and disadvantages has the dominant archetype brought for you?
   

4. As you learn the distinctions of each archetype, what might be the next steps for you?

**IMPORTANT NOTE: The profiles are not my own and are adapted from the book “Mastery” by George Leonard. I will like to acknowledge his great work that has been extremely useful for my own learning. I have added in my own inputs and assessments as a Professional Coach so that readers can use the archetypes to generate more awareness in the day to day working contexts.

Written by Victor Seet
Activator • Communication • Strategic • Self-Assurance • Command

Victor is an accredited ICF Advanced Certified Team Coach (ACTC) and Professional Certified Coach (PCC) based in Singapore. He is also a Newfield Certified Ontological Coach and CliftonStrengths Coach. Victor facilitates teams to leverage their collective strengths, get clear on ways of engagement and ways of working to strengthen team and interpersonal dynamics. Victor specializes in integrating strengths-based and ontological approach into his team coaching and leadership workshops. Victor is Director of Coaching and Leadership Development at StrengthsTransform™

How to Systematically Build Our Performance Capacity

If you are an iPhone, what model might you be? Are you an iPhone 15 or are you still an iPhone 6?

In 2023, I have made an observation about expectations when it comes to performance. I notice an assumption that we can create a higher level of performance even when we operate at the same level of capacity. I notice this assumption operates not just at work but especially in marriages. 

Most people understand that the iPhone 15 can far outperform an iPhone 6. Yet, I notice that many don’t seem to see the need to upgrade themselves to perform at a higher level. I define performance widely, including thriving in relationships.

Below are some observations I have about people’s assumptions:

• the capacity to perform as an individual contributor will also allow the same person to perform as a manager.

• the capacity to perform in their thirties will also allow the same person to perform in their forties. 

• the capacity to manage one kid (and juggle many multiple responsibilities) will also allow the same person to manage two kids and other growing responsibilities.

The list goes on. 

I also observe that the consequences of not growing, damage marriages more than work or career. The emotional damage from a broken marriage takes a huge toll on individuals. I am currently speaking to or coaching many in their 30-40s who are facing a breakdown in their marriage. The underlying reason seems to be the lack of growth (in capacity). The school of hard knocks worked for the past generations. Unfortunately, the younger generations might not be used to this.

Performance and capacity are intrinsically related. Capacity can be simply defined as the upper limit or the maximum potential to perform at a certain defined level. While there are many factors contributing to performance, capacity is the baseline. 

If a car’s speed is performance, the engine capacity defines the maximum limit or potential. If an athlete wants to perform, the physical fitness level defines the capacity. If a laptop needs to process high quality videos and images, the processor speed of the laptop defines the capacity. To make a great cup of coffee, the coffee beans define the capacity. 

So what?

One reason to continuously build our capacity is to LIVE OUT OUR FULLEST POTENTIAL.

And how can we do that?

There is a need to systematically build our capacity. 

One key aspect of human potential is the capacity to operate under discomfort. When one is required to play at a higher level, the stakes are increased. With greater level of responsibilities, there is an increase in the level of stress. There is an increase in the level of pressure. We need to grow our “discomfort” muscles.

Building our capacity requires a systematic gradual exposure to putting ourselves in situations outside of our comfort zone. The exposure level is then gradually and systematically increased. This helps us build resilience and confidence in handling discomfort. Just like how our bodies learn to systematically adapt when we are learning cycling, swimming or rollerblading, the body can be systematically tuned to handling discomfort. The increase in our ability to sit in discomfort grows our human potential. Almost all types of growth require us to play outside of our comfort zone.

Here’s five steps to systematically build our capacity.

1. Identify and Rank Discomfort Areas:

We can start by noticing the specific activities we are procrastinating or avoiding. There isn’t a need to judge ourselves. The aim is to be aware of specific activities that will create tensions within our bodies or trigger emotional responses like fear, anxiety or even resentment.

Once we have identified these areas, we can rank the discomfort from least to most uncomfortable. This ranking allows us to know how to systematically progress. 

2. Create practices of being in Discomfort:

This is the critical part of the 5 steps. We can start with small practices of being in discomfort to stress test the body. The purpose is to get the body used to small doses of discomfort. We can create highly personalized practices that stir up discomfort within the body. For me, these practices include smiling and greeting neighbours, wearing bright colours instead of my black tees, driving on the slower lane, fasting from coffee once a week.  

3. Start engaging in the identified areas of Discomfort:

When our practices become more consistent, we can start to intentionally engage in the activities that we avoid or procrastinate. The idea is to do the activity despite the level of discomfort and notice our responses and growth: How have we adjusted in terms of our discomfort? What new narratives might be emerging? What ew possibilities are we now open to?

By intentionally engaging and noticing, we can adjust our approaches. The thing to take note is that growth seldom happens in a straight line. We need to be patient with our results.

4. Gradually Increase Our Exposure to Discomfort:

At this stage, we can create new practices that will challenge us to level up our capacity. Increasing the intensity of the practices can also be an alternative.

For example, I started practicing swimming underwater and holding my breath for as long as I can. The aim is to put my body under stress and systematically build resilience. I gradually went from 25metres to 30 metres to 40 metres.

The result was interesting. I found myself being able to absorb and notice my discomfort. I found myself being able to respond rather than react under stress.

5. Find Accountability Partners:

As a coach, I am a huge believer in leveraging the power of accountability. I recommend setting a support system. As a coach, I engaged my own coach and have monthly sessions. I also create my own trusted circle of friends who know about my goals and can provide support or challenge me when needed.

As I continue to practice these five steps, I found myself more resilient, more calm under pressure and more adaptable. I found I can also play to my strengths at a higher level. As an ontological coach, I wholeheartedly recommend you to practice building your capacity and potential if you desire to play at a higher level.

Written by Victor Seet
Activator • Communication • Strategic • Self-Assurance • Command

As a Gallup and Newfield Certified Leadership Coach in Singapore, Victor is passionate about helping people be better observer of themselves to achieve the results they want, especially in the area of well-being and performance. Victor intentionally integrates the strengths-based and ontological approach into his leadership coaching and workshops.

Have You Heard of a Commitment to a Mood?

A commitment is like a promise. It is doing what we say we will do.

The idea of commitment is the idea of “all in”. Apologies are not enough. Excuses and rationalizations are totally unacceptable. Those who fully commit do not add a “but” or “if” or have any secret back doors - invisible conditions that will help them out of a situation when they cannot achieve that task. 

Commitment is often associated with the finishing of a task. For those familiar with the CliftonStrengths assessment, the people with the ‘Responsibility’ theme understand commitment intuitively. They have an innate motivation to take ownership of the tasks they commit to and follow through to completion.

Have you also heard of a commitment to a mood?

A mood is an emotion that we want to stick around with. A mood has a longer-lasting effect on a person. It is an emotional state that we want to stay in. The mood affects our thoughts and actions. We are likely to smile when we are committed to joy and peace. We are likely to think “I am sure he did not mean it” and give the person the benefit of the doubt when we are committed to gratitude. We are likely to complain or connect a person’s behavior to his lack of moral standards when committed to resentment.

As an ontological coach, I saw a distinction between a commitment to a task and a commitment to a mood.

Similarities: 

• Both forms of commitment require ownership.

• Both forms of commitment demonstrate a follow-through of the intent.

Differences

• When we commit to a task, we follow through by completing the task. When we commit to a mood, we follow through by creating stories in our heads that reflect the emotion we want to stick with. 

• Commitment to a task is often visible and easily observable. Commitment to a mood is often invisible and not easily observed by the owner of the mood. 
  

Let me share two examples of a commitment to a mood.

(1) Have you had a memory of a holiday filled with many unexpected turns of events? You lost your luggage. Your flight got delayed. You forgot to bring your passport to the airport. You lost something you bought. You lost your way traveling to a particular destination. 

Yet, despite the obstacles and discomfort experienced, you quickly found things to be thankful for and grateful for. You created stories in your head to preserve the mood you strongly wanted to stay in. None of the setbacks changed your commitment to stick to joy and gratitude. You proudly declare to others that it was a great holiday experience. And you desire for more of such trips. This example is an idea of committing to a mood. You were committed to experiencing gratitude and joy for the holiday. Nothing got in your way of staying with these emotions you were committed to. 

(2) Have you had a memory of being frustrated and angry for the entire day? The coffee was bad. The lunch was dissatisfying. The project meeting was unproductive and a waste of time. You felt your client’s demands were unreasonable. You were irritated by the attitudes of your colleagues The list goes on. 

This example is a commitment to a different mood, perhaps resentment. When we commit to the mood of resentment, every story in our head points to frustration, injustice, and unfairness. We will often find something to blame. And we will commit to being right about our story. The commitment to stay RIGHT and to see our story as the truth is a hallmark of resentment. We seek acknowledgment from others about the story we hold. When others do not agree with us, we feel even more resentful and frustrated. There is a sense of how the world is so unfair. The mood of resentment broods distrust.

A Related Article: Listening Through Our Mood

What are the benefits of seeing this distinction of commitment to a mood?


1. Seeing the distinction allows us to break free from emotional entanglements. The mood no longer owns us. When we gain awareness of our commitment to a mood, we become more aware of the stories we regularly churn out in our heads. Seeing empowers us to own our mood and make choices. Seeing helps those who feel stuck and unsure why their thought patterns keep recurring. Conversely, when we see our recurring stories, we also identify the mood that might be invisible to us. 

2. Seeing allow us to choose. We can choose to remain in the mood. We can choose to break free and create another new mood to be committed to. The ability to choose increases personal agency. For example, the emotion of resentment is neither good nor bad. It is the emotional energy that propels people to break through a high level of resistance to see justice served. The emotional energy from resentment helps us stand up for the bullied. It also helps us speak up for the silenced. However, when we commit to being in the mood of resentment, we are also actively creating stories in our heads that block out the possibilities of gratitude, joy, grace, and forgiveness. Seeing allows us to choose wisely depending on context.

3. It is possible that highly committed individuals act and behave in ways detrimental to their own mental and emotional health. Seeing the distinction allows these people (including ourselves) to see the darkness or the shadow side of commitment. 

Reflection: what mood have you been committed to at work, at home, or for specific relationships?

Continue Reading — The Ontological Coaching Series:

• What is Ontological Coaching? A Singapore Practitioner's Guide

• Ontological Coaching vs CBT: Key Differences Explained

• Listening Through Our Mood

• Taking Ownership of Our Emotions

Interested in experiencing ontological coaching firsthand? Explore 1-1 coaching with Victor here.

Written by Victor Seet
Activator • Communication • Strategic • Self-Assurance • Command

As a Gallup and Newfield Certified Leadership Coach in Singapore, Victor is passionate about helping people be better observer of themselves to achieve the results they want, especially in the area of well-being and performance. Victor intentionally integrates the strengths-based and ontological approach into his leadership coaching and workshops.

Stronger Together: Learnings from a Loneliness Dialogue

“Do I belong? Or am I fitting in?”

There is a distinction between fitting in and feeling belonged. Fitting in is not belonging. When we attempt to fit in, we are changing ourselves in order to be accepted. We might not be seen as who we really are and that might possibly be a deeply lonely experience.

I was part of a facilitator group for a loneliness dialogue attended by a group of working professionals from diverse backgrounds. When I listened to what were being shared, the conversations were interesting but not unexpected. Some shared reasons on why people felt lonely in their organizations:

• Leadership requires making hard decisions. Lack of empathy by team members intensifies the loneliness felt by leaders

• Addiction to achieving outcomes often meant people get caught in busyness. They stop listening and relating to one another

• Lack of common space and trust to dialogue about conflicting beliefs that run deep within the organization.

The list goes on.

The bottom line from the loneliness dialogue? People want to feel accepted and belonged.

Why do people feel lonely?

Perhaps we have been overdoing “fitting in” to the neglect of creating a sense of belonging. This is my hypothesis.

For some, the habit and practice of fitting in started from a young age. Fitting in to what parents want, fitting in to school rules, fitting in to find friends - we change ourselves to survive. And habits can be hard to change. Despite the deep yearnings to discover who we really are, many grew up struggling to answer the question of “who am I truly?”

In my personal observation as a professional coach, identity building work continues to be a territory that is under explored by many individuals. Many people define themselves through work. It is common to state our work title or role when we are asked to introduce ourselves. It is also common to observe people burying themselves deep at work to the neglect of self care.

What are the implications of overdoing “fitting in”?

In the workplace, this habit of trying to fit in, to gain approval from the boss, colleagues and the system, can undermine culture building work. There is often an expectation that when we make adjustments to fit in, we should be accepted. There must be reciprocity. Fear and anxiety are often the emotions that accompany these expectations. Unfortunately, what we often experienced instead are rejections. The results of these rejections meant the emotions turn from fear and anxiety towards that of disappointment, dissatisfaction and resentment.

Picture the emotional states of resentment, disappointment, dissatisfaction, fear, anxiety etc, driven by the mindset to survive - this is often the context surrounding conversations in teams and organizations. This emotional context is invisible but it is tangible.

What can you do to make a difference?

Every individual can intervene into a large system. Change usually start from the small things. Here might be some possible ideas you can act on.
- Notice and pay attention to the emotional context in workplace conversations.
- Notice how you are participating in your workplace conversations and the mood you are bringing.
- Notice if you are intentionally building a supportive community within your organization.

STRONGER TOGETHER AS A NATION

Creating a sense of belonging is in essence an identity issue. It is an issue individuals and businesses need to address. It is also an issue that Singapore as a nation seeks to address.

Singapore’s narrative is essentially one of survival. Geo-political tension, climate change, terrorism etc…there is a long list of global challenges that impact Singapore. For a country with little natural resources, we need to be efficient and productive to survive. We must often adapt quickly to the global context. Yet at the same time, we need to build our own identity as a nation. We need to preserve our unique heritage. We need to create a place that Singaporeans feel proud to belong.

This juggling act is a huge tension.

Here’s an example to illustrate the tension.
Wet markets in Singapore forms a unique space where local communities are formed and a sense of belonging is created within the precinct. Wet markets are however viewed as inefficient. Supermarkets or hyper marts are increasingly flooding the heartlands. These supermarkets increase the efficiency and productivity of grocery shopping. No one stops to connect and build relationships in these supermarkets. One represents a culture created out of the desire to belong and form communities. The other represents a culture created out of a need to survive the global threats.

As more and more wet markets cease to exist, how do we preserve such a space where local communities are often formed and a sense of belonging is created? Do we continue to demolish these wet markets and replace them with supermarkets of high efficiency and productivity?

How CAN we AS SINGAPOREANS CONTRIBUTE?

We have built a narrative over the years - the survival mindset of “kiasu (fear of losing) and kiasi (fear of dying)”. That has served us well and allowed us to transform from a third world to a first world nation. It is perhaps a good time we build a new narrative - “stronger together” and complement the old.

These two mindsets are not mutually exclusive. We need to survive by creating a stronger sense of belonging. We need to be more intentional to be more relational, more inclusive and build communities wherever we go. We need to be more intentional to promote neighbourliness. We need to be more accepting and tolerant given the increasingly more fragmented society. The future generations will be shaped by how we survive and be stronger together.

When our perspectives expand, it is not lofty to suggest that as Singaporeans, we are well resourced and capable of finding solutions. On this note, I personally felt that the leaders of our nation have done a tremendous job in keeping this balance. The journey ahead however continues to be filled with uncertainties and challenges.

Moving forward to 2023 and beyond, may we be a nation that can strengthen our identity, build a greater sense of belonging and survive the global upheavals together.

Written by Victor Seet
Activator • Communication • Strategic • Self-Assurance • Command

As a Gallup and Newfield Certified Leadership Coach in Singapore, Victor is passionate about helping people be better observer of themselves to achieve the results they want, especially in the area of well-being and performance. Victor intentionally integrates the strengths-based and ontological approach into his leadership coaching and workshops.

Emotional Intelligence with CliftonStrengths

As a believer in the strengths-based approach, I have been integrating emotional intelligence with strengths intelligence as I continue my practice into the ontological approach to coaching. It is something I have been experimenting with over the past few years. This article explores how I have been integrating these two areas of human intelligence. Specifically, this article presents how I have used the CliftonStrengths profiling to enhance emotional intelligence.

If you google emotional intelligence, you will come across four components - self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management. This article explores these four specific components of emotional intelligence.

Self-Awareness

In the context of emotional intelligence, self-awareness is the ability to see how our emotional states affect our daily living, such as our decision-making or our communication with others. It is the ability to know ourselves and understand our feelings.

For example, when we are in an emotional state of anger, we are predisposed to retaliate in words or actions. When we are in an emotional state of curiosity, we are predisposed to ask questions and gain new knowledge and understanding.

CliftonStrengths assessment can help individuals understand the likely emotional habits they might have built over time (albeit subconsciously).

Here are some examples:
1. Individuals with high Responsibility might have developed emotional habits such as anxiety, worry, fear, etc. They are predisposed to feeling burdened because of the responsibilities they carry. In Singapore, some with the Responsibility theme might be called a “kancheong spider” (a term to describe individuals often flustered while dealing with anxiety).

2. Using a combination of two CliftonStrengths themes: Individuals with both the Activator and Achiever primarily focus on getting things started and finishing tasks. They might be predisposed to developing the emotional habit of ambition and perhaps less likely to experience the emotional state of calmness or peace.

3. People with the Maximizer or Restorative are often viewed as “perfectionists”. They are less likely to declare satisfaction with the tasks they have completed. Things are often “not good enough”. They are less likely as well to experience peace.

Our emotional habits are often formed from our instincts to think, feel and behave.

As a coach, I feel that gaining this insight empowers individuals to have the choice of building new emotional habits to expand their human capacity and deepen their level of maturity. This knowledge helps individuals to build deeper self-awareness through the perspective of emotional habits. This knowledge also provides a more comprehensive understanding of themselves.

Self-Management

In the context of emotional intelligence, self-management is the ability to regulate our emotions in different situations and not let our emotions get the better of us. It is emotional regulation and self-control.

With the CliftonStrengths tool, knowing the basement (infancy) and balcony (mature) state of the CliftonStrengths themes empowers individuals to regulate their behaviors and actions. With knowledge of our basement and balcony state, we can more deliberately match our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to the different situations and contexts for effectiveness. The ability to regulate our behaviors helps us to be more emotionally intelligent.

E.g The basement state of the Harmony theme includes sweeping things under the carpet or keeping silent in the face of questionable behaviors, usually for fear of conflicts. When an individual intentionally regulates his behavior and grows towards a more mature or balcony state of Harmony, it is a hallmark of being emotionally intelligent.

Conversely, not developing the Harmony theme toward maturity might cause long-term negative consequences. As a coach, I often observe resentment surfacing when individuals remain in the basement state of Harmony. This emotional state of resentment often produces more harm for individuals and hinders their ability to do effective self-management.

An article on moods

Social Awareness

In the context of emotional intelligence, social awareness is the ability to identify the emotions of others and use that knowledge to demonstrate empathy, connect with others and be inclusive. It is about how we relate with others, especially with people who are very different. While some view diversity as a fact of life, the idea of “common sense” shows that people expect uniformity in behaviors.

CliftonStrengths helps in two ways.

Firstly, it provides data statistically to show the odds of two persons having the same five themes in the same order is 1 in 33 million. This data has often helped those who are data-driven to embrace the diversity of those they work with.

Secondly, the CliftonStrengths profiles and write-ups provide a language in how people with certain themes think, feel and behave differently. This means that individuals and leaders can now use the strengths language intentionally to relate and interact with others.

For example, a person with the Relator theme often prefers deep conversation in a one-to-one setting. When a leader intentionally sets up regular catch-ups with the Relator, with either party able to propose their agendas for discussions, trust builds up. The CliftonStrengths tool allows leaders to increase their emotional intelligence by customizing approaches that meet the needs of different individuals.

Relationship Management

In the context of emotional intelligence, relationship management is the ability to collaborate, build trust and manage interpersonal conflicts.

The CliftonStrengths tool helps individuals to identify their strengths and blindspots. When individuals do their inner work and uncover these blindspots, they can make more appropriate and productive social decisions in different situations.

For example, individuals with the Deliberative theme see that their unique lens is often that of risk assessment. They will take time to consider the different risks before they act. Making appropriate and productive decisions could include making timely requests to others. In working with others, they might make known their decision-making process and request adequate time and space to make a decision. This process allows them to be better collaborators. It is also a mark of demonstrating high emotional intelligence.

The CliftonStrengths tool also helps individuals manage conflicts by identifying how others think, feel, and need. For example, a frustrated Analytical person might have these thoughts. “Where is the proof? What reliable data do we have? To resolve the potential conflict, we have to understand an Analytical person needs to have different data points that can withstand scrutiny. Meeting the needs of those we work with will help us manage conflicts.

The CliftonStrengths profiles also reveal, through the different themes, how individuals need to tap into specific strengths that enhance emotional intelligence for a particular situation and downplay those that hinder emotional intelligence. When individuals do that intentionally, they can make more situationally appropriate social decisions and moves.

For example, when an individual with both Achiever and Learner questions why a colleague has not completed a given task, the Achiever is usually more judgmental while the Learner is more curious. Tuning up the Learner theme and tuning down the Achiever will probably help this individual make a more appropriate social response.

Ending note: As an ontological practitioner, I embrace the idea that humans perform better when they see their strengths and emotional habits as integrated. I am happy to report that coaching clients have given me feedback that this integrated approach has empowered them to gain clarity of their inner life and has given greater ownership towards transforming their lives.

Written by Victor Seet
Activator • Communication • Strategic • Self-Assurance • Command

As a Gallup and Newfield Certified Leadership Coach in Singapore, Victor is passionate about helping people be better observer of themselves to achieve the results they want, especially in the area of well-being and performance. Victor intentionally integrates the strengths-based and ontological approach into his leadership coaching and workshops.

A Manager's Guide to Leverage The Strengths of the Team

This article is written to share some coaching practices that I have been helping team leaders and managers with, especially those who are intentionally building a strong team culture. The question that is commonly explored:

What are some practices that you can do as a manager to leverage the strengths of your team?

1. Collect strengths data of the individuals and the entire team

Get some data on each individual’s strengths. Put all the individuals’ results together and attempt to make sense of the team’s overall strengths. This process can be done by using different profiling tools. Some of the profiling tools that focuses on strengths include the CliftonStrengths assessment, the Strengths Profile and VIA Character Survey. Using a profiling tool to assess your team’s strengths give you a common language to assess each individual. This is probably the easiest way to get to know your team strengths.
On a separate note, if you are using CliftonStrengths, the four domains of team or leadership strengths are a powerful way of learning and seeing the collective strengths of the team. You can check out this article I have written:

Check out this article: 8 Things to know about CliftonStrengths Leadership Domains

2. Have a strengths conversation with each individual

During the chat, ask questions like “Where are you at your best at work? What kind of tasks do you love doing the most or find yourself looking forward to? Other than financial returns or recognition, what might motivate and drive you? Which activities do you find yourself volunteering for?
This kind of conversation with your staff is a fantastic way to connect with them. Most staff are tired of managers doing fault-finding. Having a manager who seeks to learn and understand their strengths is simply refreshing!

It’s also worth noting that when an individual shares about a desire to do a particular task, your assessment might be there is a competency gap. This becomes a great opportunity to have a conversation about skills development. This can often exists if the staff is younger and less experienced.

3. Share Your Strengths as a Manager

Your staff comes to you with their proposals and ideas. From this perspective, each individual is expected to engage in some kind of collaborative work with you. As a manager, you evaluate the plans, proposals and ideas using your strengths (“are you aware this is an automatic lens you put on?”).
For more effective team communication, it is useful to share your strengths intentionally with your team. Your staff will appreciate knowing how you will evaluate their proposals. With the knowledge of your strengths, they can prepare themselves for discussions with you. They will also appreciate how they can think about leveraging on your strengths to improve their ideas.

Check out this article: A Manager’s Guide: Using StrengthsFinder in Personal Development

4. GET INPUTS around Your Team Strengths

No manager has all the answers. So why not tap on others’ perspectives? As a manager, you can intentionally set up discussions around your team’s strengths. Invite individual team members to articulate how they see the strengths of the team and get their perspectives. Invite other business leads, HR business partners etc to share their views. The diversity of views presented on the collective strengths of your team can empower you to leverage the team’s strengths more comprehensively.

5. CELEBRATE Contributions

Mark Twain says “really great people make you feel that you, too, can become great”. As a manager, celebrating strengths and contributions are a hallmark of a great manager.
You can intentionally invite individuals to share with the team about “this is what I bring to the team or this is what I can contribute most effectively”. You can also invite the other team members to validate and affirm what has been shared to strengthen the team dynamics.

6. EXPLORE WITH THE TEAM ON HOW TO SUPPORT EACH OTHER

It is intuitive for managers to see how strengths are linked to performances. It is perhaps not so common to see how strengths can be used to create support for others.
Managers can enhance team safety and well-being by facilitating a conversation on how the team can support one another by tapping into each other’s strengths. This can be a discussion around the idea of “where I need help.” The request can be as simple as “I often need ideas. I often need reminders. I often need a listening ear etc”.
This discussion is essentially an exercise on vulnerability and trust. If carried out successfully, this exercise empowers the team to help each other more intentionally. A high performing team develops when team members are mutually supportive of one another. This is an essential team standard to establish when building a strengths-based team culture.

Caveat: Work and strengths come together. Managers need to be able to demonstrate strong clarity about what's the work that needs to be done. When there is great clarity about the work, managers can explore with ease how the team’s strengths can be tapped. Leveraging the team strengths is a combination of knowing the work and knowing the strengths with great details.

Continue Reading — The CliftonStrengths Series:

• 8 Reasons to Use CliftonStrengths for Team Building

• How to Use CliftonStrengths at Work: A Practical Guide

• A Manager's Guide to Emotions and Conversations at Work

• CliftonStrengths Leadership Domains Explained

Want to bring CliftonStrengths into your team? Enquire about a workshop or team coaching program here.

Written by Victor Seet
Activator • Communication • Strategic • Self-Assurance • Command

As a Gallup and Newfield Certified Leadership Coach in Singapore, Victor is passionate about helping people be better observer of themselves to achieve the results they want, especially in the area of well-being and performance. Victor intentionally integrates the strengths-based and ontological approach into his leadership coaching and workshops.

A Manager's Guide to Understanding Emotions and Conversations

As a male who grew up in Singapore, I bought into a cultural narrative that “guys don’t do emotions”. Most of the male authority in my life hardly expressed their emotions. I was repeatedly taught that emotions can make you commit to decisions that you will regret. I grew up hearing things like “men do not cry; don’t waste time dwelling on your emotions”. The topic of emotions was one I had difficulty grasping. In fact, my entire body reacts when another person starts to tear in front of me. As I was growing up, I was determined to be strong in my mental strength and to control my emotions (mostly by suppressing).

It is now 2022 as I am writing this article. I have since realized that emotions have a profound effect on what I can and cannot achieve in areas of relationships, leadership, work, spirituality etc. If I want to be an effective leader, it is no longer enough to thrive in the “rational zone”. I need to do deeper self-work to understand, experience and learn emotions. This will ultimately increase my effectiveness to create psychological safety, mentor and coach others, listen well, to name a few important leadership competencies.

As I continue to pursue breakthroughs in the domain of emotions, I am hoping to help other leaders (especially male leaders) do the same. This article is written to explore the impact of moods and emotions on conversations. The below points are a combination of my learnings as an ontological coach, a leader, a parent and a father.

Impact of Moods and Emotions on Conversations

1. Language and actions affect emotions.

Our mood and emotion changes when we received good or bad news. I have experienced joy and satisfaction when a client accepts my business proposal. I have experienced sadness when I am listening to stories about friends struggling with cancer or personal loss.

Emotions are embedded in stories we tell others and ourselves. In a digital world overflowing with data, I observed that many managers struggle to see it is the stories (derived from the data) that can move the hearts of the audience. Data and facts cannot create an emotional connection. It is also the stories we tell ourselves that inspire faith and hope or create fear and anxiety within us.

Implication: Storytelling is a skill that managers cannot afford to neglect, especially in the digital world. Telling stories is now akin to communicating purpose and vision. Telling powerful stories create the emotional connection needed for people to be stirred into action. It is true not only for others but ourselves.

2. Moods and emotions are highly predictive of future actions

From a young age, children learnt how to analyze the moods of their parents before they make a request. Intuitively, they are aware that they have a much better chance to get their desired outcomes when their parents are in a good mood.

Philosopher, Humberto Maturana, provides a definition that I personally found to be extremely helpful: emotions and moods are predispositions for action. He observed that according to the mood and emotions we are in, some actions are possible while others are not. For example, if you are in a mood of distrust, the possibilities of coordinating action with another team member are reduced compared to if you are in a mood of gratitude.

Implication: When managers can read the moods and emotions of their teams, they possess a set of data that are highly predictive of the team’s level of engagement, collaboration and trust level. All of these are highly predictive of the team’s performance. Therefore the ability to read and sense the moods and emotions (aka emotional intelligence) can be an important area of leadership development.

3. Creating a shift in the mood brings about new results

If we happen to be in a good mood, the future will look bright and vice versa. Regardless whether the meetings are for brainstorming, coordinating actions or resolving conflicts, managers who can skillfully create a shift in the mood of a conversation to a more uplifting one has a far greater chance of achieving a productive outcome. The ability to create a shift in the emotional state helps a manager to bring about a new of results that are otherwise not possible based on the prevailing mood.

Implication: On top of reading the mood of the team (point 2), facilitating a shift in the mood of a team is an important skill that cannot be ignored. Managers who develop competency in this particular area will become more effective in leading their team.

4. Emotions and moods affect how we listen.

Depending on the moods and emotions we are in, our conversations can look very different because we speak and listen differently. Determining the prevailing mood of a conversation and assessing if the mood sets the required context to achieve the desired conversational outcome is a strategic leadership skill. This skill is particularly powerful for crucial conversations - business presentations, strategic planning, sales negotiations, performance management etc. These are examples of conversations in which managers want to be intentional to frame and prepare listeners to be open and curious to the agenda and the content of the meeting.

Implication: Managers need to pay close attention to the mood and emotions of the participants in crucial conversations. By noticing the emotions, managers get precious data to adapt their approaches for more effective outcomes.

Read: Listening Through Our Mood

5. Moods are often transparent

A mood can be defined as an emotional habit practiced by a person over a long period of time. It is observed that many people are not aware that they have a “mood”. Moods are often transparent (or invisible) to the individual. We often hear people saying “This is just the way I am and how I do things. Do not expect me to change.” When people do not see that they have a “mood”, they are not able to take responsibility for the mood they have created.

Implication: Managers can coach their team to be aware of the impact of emotions and mood on conversations. By helping others understand that it is the mood that affect our actions, managers can empower team members to take responsibility in how they show up in meetings.

6. Emotions and moods are highly contagious

When we are regularly interacting with people with negative moods, we could expect to soon be in a negative mood ourselves. Most teams usually have one or two individuals who sets the “mood” tone in meetings. These people are the mood-setters. The mood-setters can quickly influence and affect the mood of the entire team positively or negatively by what they say or do. This is because emotions and moods are highly contagious according to neuroscience.

Implication: Managers have to watch closely the moods and emotions of the “mood-setters” in the team. Given their influence, the team’s performance can be elevated or diminished because of how these mood-setters behave. Frequent check-ins especially before important meetings could be helpful. Managers can also be the mood-setter themselves. Managers should develop the habit of checking in with themselves, grow their level of self-awareness and practice self-management. By doing so, they can choose how they want to show up in the team meetings.

7. A team’s mood is representative of the team’s morale

When a team is filled with people who consistently displayed negative emotions, it is highly predictive that the morale on the team will quickly decline if there is no effective intervention. Most managers understand that morale is a crucial factor in overcoming obstacles, winning battles and adapting to organizational changes.

Lifting a team’s morale is more than having team building events or team lunches. Lifting a team’s morale in a sustainable manner is closely connected to deepening the level of trust and care for one another. And building trust and care is dependent on the team’s prevailing mood.

Implication: Recognizing the prevailing mood of a team brings forth an important set of data to a modern manager - understanding and measuring the team’s morale. Managers who believe in creating and sustaining a strong team morale must consider developing their emotional intelligence.

Ending Note: I hope the above 7 points capture succinctly the benefits of understanding the mood of a team and facilitating shifts in team moods. Growing in this area has given me many personal breakthroughs especially in relationships. I hope this short article inspires others to dive deeper in learning about emotions and moods.

Continue Reading:

• What Makes Difficult Conversations Difficult? 9 Hidden Fears Explained

• Taking Ownership of Our Emotions

• Working with Emotions in Coaching

• A Manager's Guide to Leveraging Your Team's CliftonStrengths

Interested in team coaching for your organisation? Explore Victor's Team Coaching programs here.

Written by Victor Seet
Activator • Communication • Strategic • Self-Assurance • Command

As a Gallup and Newfield Certified Leadership Coach in Singapore, Victor is passionate about helping people be better observer of themselves to achieve the results they want, especially in the area of well-being and performance. Victor intentionally integrates the strengths-based and ontological approach into his leadership coaching and workshops.