When I was introduced to the ontological approach for intra-personal and interpersonal work, I found it very fascinating. I decided to deep-dive into this area. I am writing to share what I have learned and the impact I have experienced. I’m writing as a learner rather than an expert in this field.
You might be thinking: So what is Ontological Coaching?
It is a coaching approach rooted in “Ontology, the study of being.” This approach focuses on exploring how people function and make decisions, how people learn and adapt, and how people show up in different areas of their lives.
At the heart of the ontological approach lies two key ideas:
(1) The Concerned Observer
An individual (known in the field of ontological coaching as “the Observer”) sees, perceives and relates to the world in a very unique way that differs from others. A key word to summarize the uniqueness of each individual is “concern”. Each individual is a “Concerned Observer” and interprets and relates to the world based on his concerns. The interpretations will then lead the individual to a range of possibilities of action to achieve his desired results (relationships, work, finances, health, religion, etc).
(2) An Integrated Way of Being - Language, Emotions and Body
The Observer can be understood by examining three domains in an integrated manner – LANGUAGE, MOOD OR EMOTIONS, and BODY. The ontological approach not only addresses the importance of all three areas, it emphasizes the integration of all three domains to achieve sustainable or deep change. A person’s “Way of Being” is this dynamic interplay between the three domains that actively shapes perception and behaviour.
An ontological coach works with clients to examine their language (inner and expressed thoughts, stories, mindsets, beliefs), recurring emotions and moods, and their body (dispositions, breathing, fitness, health, flexibility). Given that many individuals have their “Way of Being” in a fragmented form, the very act of integrating the three domains often generate new results that can be transformational.
Here is an example of transitioning from an old “Way of Being” towards a New “Way”:
As an individual, I listened primarily to what people said and the words they used (language). I rarely pay any attention to my body and emotions (as well as those of others) when I communicate. In short, this is my fragmented “Way of Being” and I was not conscious of it.
As a parent to three kids, when I realized “language” was the last domain to develop in young children, I saw a gap in how I was communicating effectively with them. My fragmented “Way of Being” shows up in my default communication with my kids.
I started to explore how I could communicate with my kids using body, emotions, and language in a more integrated way. I started to give hugs and massages, scratch their backs, and hold their hands more intentionally. I committed to playing with them and being fully present. As I engage my kids in a more integrated manner, I notice my relationship with them has grown tremendously. I also noticed that this shift towards a new “Way of Being” has created a deep shift within my inner life. My kids have been responding to me more affectionately ever since this shift.
How is ontological coaching different from other approaches?
Here are some differences from my limited knowledge:
(1) First the WHO, then the WHAT
There are coaching approaches helping people develop new strategies, new skills, or new forms of communication. The ontological coaching approach is particularly interested in what’s happening in people’s perceptions and attitudes and how that affects the way people use their new skills and strategies. Borrowing the phrase from Stephen Covey, the ontological approach focuses on the Who before diving into the What.
For example, when a boss shares a new strategy with the team at a particular team meeting, different team members interpret the strategy very differently because of their unique concerns. These concerns affect our perceptions and attitudes (how we see things). And how we see things determine how we eventually act.
The ontological approach suggests that when we don’t address deep-seated perceptions and attitudes (WHO), we will miss out on massive opportunities to help people grow in their effectiveness (WHAT).For example, when a boss shares a new strategy with the team at a particular team meeting, different team members interpret the strategy very differently because of their unique concerns. These concerns affect our perceptions and attitudes (how we see things). And how we see things determine how we eventually act.
(2) First the WHO, then the WHY
In his book Start with Why, Simon Sinek taught us to ask why to seek out the purpose and meaning of what we do. However, having breakthroughs will require us to think differently. Have you had any of these thoughts before?
- Why do I struggle to trust this person?
- Why do I no longer feel excited about hitting my targets?
- Why do I lack confidence despite achieving consistently good results?
- Why did I put back the weight I worked so hard to lose?
- Why do I often feel that I am not being heard?
When we ask "Why" without working on the “Who”, we often do not see breakthrough results.
We assume we can generate breakthrough results using the same operating system. However, we keep seeing the same things and forming the same stories inside our heads. We make decisions “more or less” the same way.
When the operating system remains the same, any upgrading will eventually hit a limit. Even if there are breakthrough results, they do not sustain over some time.
Borrowing the words from James Clear (author of Atomic Habits):
“You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”
Ontological coaching addresses the “who” by helping clients examine their existing system. This system is the dynamic interplay between the three domains. Ontological coaching explicitly focus on the “Way of being” to help clients upgrade to a stronger operating system.
(3) Not a Psychological Approach to Coaching
Unlike other approaches to coaching, ontological coaching does not have a psychological basis. An ontological approach to coaching is grounded in philosophy and the biology of cognition. Compared to other coaching traditions such as the cognitive-behavioural approach, ontological coaching is not based on the concept of mind but explicitly on the concept of Way of Being.
Many approaches are rooted in Descartes's concept of being human - 'I think, therefore I am'.
From an ontological perspective, human cognition is more than thinking. To consider humans only as thinking beings runs the risk of over-focusing on the domain of language and not explicitly attending to the equally important domains of emotions and body to facilitate change. Ontological coaching's methodology is unique in the explicit integration of language, emotions and body.
Article for Leaders and Managers
What’s the relevance of Ontological Coaching for organizations?
Ontological Coaching can be relevant to organizations and individuals in several ways:
(1) Ontological Coaching is a personal change methodology.
In the 1-1 coaching work, the coachees receive support in examining emotional habits and patterns, patterns that show up in the body as well as thought patterns. In exploring deeper concerns through uncovering these patterns, the potential breakthroughs experienced by individuals often bring deep and sustainable change. When individuals are transformed, team and organizational cultures will also be transformed. Apart from managers and employees, ontological coaching is powerful for anyone who might be involved in work that supports others (leaders, managers, parents, mentors, teachers, social workers, pastors, religious workers, etc).
(2) Ontological Coaching helps leaders do their Self-Work
Adding to the first point, ontological coaching is especially powerful for leaders in the organization. Though there are many offerings of leadership skills, lessons, tips, and strategies in the world, the distinctive belief is that leaders can only truly DO leadership from their way of BEING. If the leaders aren’t aware of what’s happening within them and do their self-work, the quality of their leadership and their influencing capacity will be compromised. The effectiveness of their leadership decisions and communication becomes limited and that has a great impact on the business results of an organization.
(3) The Ontological Approach is part of an Organizational Development (OD) Process
The ontological approach provides a lens that explores how organizations function. While it is often said that people are the most valuable resource and organizations run through people, the ontological approach suggests that it’s the interaction and conversations between people that make an organization tick. The ontological approach provides a very solid methodology and process to examine how leaders and employees are relating and interacting with others. The process empowers individuals to self-monitor and self-adjust the quality of their conversations.
On top of empowering individuals, the ontological process empowers teams in examining the kind of conversations that are taking place or missing (conversations of trust, decision-making, accountability, moods, etc). Ineffective conversations continually cause a waste of time, effort, and energy and stifle creativity and innovation. The ontological approach provides leaders and employees with a detailed set of tools to pay attention to the way they are engaging in conversations.
Conclusion: A Personal Story - how the ontological approach has helped me:
I discovered that when I change my behavior without getting a sense of the kind of person I am (WHO), then under stress, I’ll revert to behaviors that I am conditioned in. This was my blind spot. I have been addressing the WHAT without addressing the WHO.
One of the discoveries I made while learning the ontological approach: for years, I lived with a subconscious belief that I am a bad listener. To improve my listening, I got myself equipped with deep listening skills, went for active listening courses, read Stephen Covey’s book, and learned many great principles. Unfortunately, I found change hard to be sustained.
Under stress at work or home, I will revert to my usual behavior of dominating a conversation and seeking to convince others through my speech. I was unaware of my emotional habits and body patterns (how I show up to others). For those who understand the CliftonStrengths language, I have Communication, Command, Self-Assurance as my dominant themes. I have often been perceived as one who is domineering, high “D” or Alpha.
Through the ontological approach, I discovered a significant difference between “being a listener” and “listening as an action”. I explored new ways of being as a “listener”. I started learning to listen through my body and emotions. I also uncovered the body and emotional patterns that are deeply intertwined with my old behaviors.
As I learn to embrace an integrated approach to listening, I started building new emotional habits and new body dispositions, The integrated approach to being a listener was transformational. I now feel happy listening to others (I honestly could not imagine my old self saying this). I am now comfortable with silence. I saw improvement in my relationships, especially with my wife and children. As I experienced a sustained change within me, this transformation also ignited a new passion. I’m proud to say, I am now a certified ontological coach.
Written by Victor Seet
Activator • Communication • Strategic • Self-Assurance • Command
As a Gallup and Newfield Certified Leadership Coach in Singapore, Victor is passionate about helping people be better observer of themselves to achieve the results they want, especially in the area of well-being and performance. Victor intentionally integrates the strengths-based and ontological approach into his leadership coaching and workshops.
