A commitment is like a promise. It is doing what we say we will do.
The idea of commitment is the idea of “all in”. Apologies are not enough. Excuses and rationalizations are totally unacceptable. Those who fully commit do not add a “but” or “if” or have any secret back doors - invisible conditions that will help them out of a situation when they cannot achieve that task.
Commitment is often associated with the finishing of a task. For those familiar with the CliftonStrengths assessment, the people with the ‘Responsibility’ theme understand commitment intuitively. They have an innate motivation to take ownership of the tasks they commit to and follow through to completion.
Have you also heard of a commitment to a mood?
A mood is an emotion that we want to stick around with. A mood has a longer-lasting effect on a person. It is an emotional state that we want to stay in. The mood affects our thoughts and actions. We are likely to smile when we are committed to joy and peace. We are likely to think “I am sure he did not mean it” and give the person the benefit of the doubt when we are committed to gratitude. We are likely to complain or connect a person’s behavior to his lack of moral standards when committed to resentment.
As an ontological coach, I saw a distinction between a commitment to a task and a commitment to a mood.
Similarities:
Both forms of commitment require ownership.
Both forms of commitment demonstrate a follow-through of the intent.
Differences
When we commit to a task, we follow through by completing the task. When we commit to a mood, we follow through by creating stories in our heads that reflect the emotion we want to stick with.
Commitment to a task is often visible and easily observable. Commitment to a mood is often invisible and not easily observed by the owner of the mood.
Let me share two examples of a commitment to a mood.
(1) Have you had a memory of a holiday filled with many unexpected turns of events? You lost your luggage. Your flight got delayed. You forgot to bring your passport to the airport. You lost something you bought. You lost your way traveling to a particular destination.
Yet, despite the obstacles and discomfort experienced, you quickly found things to be thankful for and grateful for. You created stories in your head to preserve the mood you strongly wanted to stay in. None of the setbacks changed your commitment to stick to joy and gratitude. You proudly declare to others that it was a great holiday experience. And you desire for more of such trips. This example is an idea of committing to a mood. You were committed to experiencing gratitude and joy for the holiday. Nothing got in your way of staying with these emotions you were committed to.
(2) Have you had a memory of being frustrated and angry for the entire day? The coffee was bad. The lunch was dissatisfying. The project meeting was unproductive and a waste of time. You felt your client’s demands were unreasonable. You were irritated by the attitudes of your colleagues The list goes on.
This example is a commitment to a different mood, perhaps resentment. When we commit to the mood of resentment, every story in our head points to frustration, injustice, and unfairness. We will often find something to blame. And we will commit to being right about our story. The commitment to stay RIGHT and to see our story as the truth is a hallmark of resentment. We seek acknowledgment from others about the story we hold. When others do not agree with us, we feel even more resentful and frustrated. There is a sense of how the world is so unfair. The mood of resentment broods distrust.
What are the benefits of seeing this distinction of commitment to a mood?
1. Seeing the distinction allows us to break free from emotional entanglements. The mood no longer owns us. When we gain awareness of our commitment to a mood, we become more aware of the stories we regularly churn out in our heads. Seeing empowers us to own our mood and make choices. Seeing helps those who feel stuck and unsure why their thought patterns keep recurring. Conversely, when we see our recurring stories, we also identify the mood that might be invisible to us.
2. Seeing allow us to choose. We can choose to remain in the mood. We can choose to break free and create another new mood to be committed to. The ability to choose increases personal agency. For example, the emotion of resentment is neither good nor bad. It is the emotional energy that propels people to break through a high level of resistance to see justice served. The emotional energy from resentment helps us stand up for the bullied. It also helps us speak up for the silenced. However, when we commit to being in the mood of resentment, we are also actively creating stories in our heads that block out the possibilities of gratitude, joy, grace, and forgiveness. Seeing allows us to choose wisely depending on context.
3. It is possible that highly committed individuals act and behave in ways detrimental to their own mental and emotional health. Seeing the distinction allows these people (including ourselves) to see the darkness or the shadow side of commitment.
Reflection: what mood have you been committed to at work, at home, or for specific relationships?
Written by Victor Seet
Activator • Communication • Strategic • Self-Assurance • Command
As a Gallup and Newfield Certified Leadership Coach in Singapore, Victor is passionate about helping people be better observer of themselves to achieve the results they want, especially in the area of well-being and performance. Victor intentionally integrates the strengths-based and ontological approach into his leadership coaching and workshops.
