“Trust Me, You’re Wrong”
Debunking 8 Common Myths That Hold Us Back”
As a coach, I remembered a period that I focused so much on growing my listening skills and ability to ask great questions that I did not realised trust was working invisibly in the background. Often, trust is only evident to us when it’s missing.
Trust is the heartbeat of every meaningful relationship — whether it’s in families, friendships, teams, or leadership. And yet, for something so essential, trust is often misunderstood or oversimplified.
Trust is like a living ecosystem — it grows, gets damaged, regenerates, and sometimes evolves into something altogether new. Working with trust often requires us to examine our beliefs and have clarity of the ones that might confuse us and hold us back. Here are some of the most common myths to explore.
Myth 1: “Trust, once broken, can never be fully restored.”
While it’s true that a breach of trust leaves a mark, trust can also be restored — not overnight, not with a magic wand, but with consistency and committed action over time. Holding this belief often keeps people stuck in blame, pain, or distance.
Rebuilding trust is hard, yes. But with genuine repair work, trust can be reshaped. It may come back looking different (maybe wiser, maybe warier), but it can be whole again.
Myth 2: “Trust is all or nothing. You either trust a person or you don’t.”
We trust people in layers. You might trust someone with sensitive feedback, but not with your finances. Or trust a colleague with a task, but not with your emotions. This black-and-white thinking doesn’t match how trust actually works. Humans are complex, and so is trust. It grows, recedes, evolves.
All or nothing? Binary thinking is for robots, not relationships.
Myth 3: “Trust will automatically repair itself over time.”
Time alone doesn’t heal trust. What heals trust is what we do with that time.
Healing trust takes intentional action — clear communication, changed behavior, and a willingness to revisit uncomfortable conversations. Without those, what time really does is harden resentment into concrete.
Myth 4: “Trust can be repaired as long as I sincerely apologise.”
A sincere apology is important. But trust isn’t restored by saying sorry — it’s restored by living sorry. People need to see change, not just hear regret.
I used to unconsciously believe that acknowledgment and a good chunk of humility pie will suffice. I learnt the hard way that it’s the little actions of change that is sustained with consistency that truly repairs trust.
Myth 5: “I can now trust someone because I have forgiven this person.”
Forgiveness and trust are related, but they’re distinct. Forgiveness is about you. It’s abut release — letting go of resentment or bitterness for your own healing. Trust works in a way that feels like it is more about others - showing you through consistent actions that they are trustworthy again.
You can forgive someone and still choose not to re-enter the same level of trust. That doesn’t make you bitter nor petty. That’s creating healthy boundaries and becoming discerning.
Myth 6: “Trust can only be restored if both parties are willing.”
Mutual willingness makes the trust-building process smoother. But waiting for “both parties to be ready” can feel like a stalemate. In reality, trust begins to shift when one person leads the change. A consistent, trustworthy presence can create an environment where the other party feels safe enough to re-engage.
Myth 7: “Trust is to be earned” or “Trust is to be given.”
This one creates a false choice. Trust isn’t either/or — it’s both/and.
Rigidly insisting someone “earn it first” before offering any trust can block connection. Blindly giving trust without boundaries can lead to harm. Healthy trust-building is a dance of giving and earning — one where you extend trust in doses, and earn it back through consistent behavior.
Having said the above, there’s no one-size-fits-all formula. Trust works in context of the relationship.
Myth 8: “The more we trust each other, the more harmonious, more peace there will be.”
It’s easy to assume that trust equals harmony, but that’s not always true.
High-trust environments often invite more honesty. In high-trust teams, people challenge ideas, not hide behind politeness. That means more disagreement, challenge, and truth-telling.
It’s not a sign of dysfunction. It’s a sign of maturity. Trust isn’t about avoiding conflict — it’s about being able to have conflict safely and respectfully.
Final Thoughts:
Trust is messy. It’s nuanced. It doesn’t live in fairy tales — it lives in Tuesday morning meetings, late-night apologies, and daily choices to show up with integrity. Trust isn’t a fixed state or a simple formula. It’s an ongoing conversation.
It’s not about avoiding the cracks. It’s about becoming people who learn how to make good. We can all make room for becoming more human and hopeful. We can all learn to hold trust with care, and to grow it with courage.
So the next time someone drops one of these 8 myths like it’s gospel, raise an eyebrow, take a sip of your coffee, and say confidently:
“Trust me, it’s more complicated than that.”
Written by Victor Seet
Activator • Communication • Strategic • Self-Assurance • Command
Victor is an accredited ICF Advanced Certified Team Coach (ACTC) and Professional Certified Coach (PCC) based in Singapore. He is also a Newfield Certified Ontological Coach and CliftonStrengths Coach. Victor facilitates teams to leverage their collective strengths, get clear on ways of engagement and ways of working to strengthen team and interpersonal dynamics. Victor specializes in integrating strengths-based and ontological approach into his team coaching and leadership workshops. Victor is Director of Coaching and Leadership Development at StrengthsTransform™
